Twitter versus Real life



1. On twitter you flirt like you writing a chapter of Fifty Shades of Grey but in real life you meet a girl and stutter so much she think you speaking in tongues. “Shibara shibiri shindindi shabara”….TF?


2. So many bios on Twitter say “Founder of this”, “President of that”, “CEO of such and such”…yet in real life so many folks are unemployed. It’s actually quite an admirable skill to be able to find time to run an organisation and simultaneously have over 100,000 tweets…none of which mention your “conglomerate”.


3. Then there’s those that always tweet deep stuff but in real life are shallower than a teaspoon. “Touch her without touching her so that she’s touched without being touched…” TF you talking about Teaspoon?


4. Every guy tweets about “I ain’t got no time for girls over size 32” but in real life girls over size 32 get the most guys


5. Girls are always tweeting about “If your man don’t have a beard, you a lesbian” but every other couple you see in real life, the man got a face smoother that a baby’s back side


6. Folks on Twitter correct your English like every tweet you post is a submission for a Pulitzer but in real life they break more English than a Gastroparesis patient breaks wind. (What am I? A medical student? Gastroparesis? TF?)


7. Then there’s those always tweeting bout “Girl you gonn’ get rounds tonight”…then in real life word on the streets is you’re done before she’s even in the bed. Rounds of what? Watching Vines?


8. Every weekend you tweeting “damn, this party is happening”…but no one else ever seems to be at your parties. What that all about? You partying at the morgue or something?


9. On Twitter you are that super ‘know-it-all’ kinda intelligent…but in real we know you spending all your data Googling stuff to tweet


10. And then there’s the catfish. Your Avi and Pics look like a collage of Halle berry and Noémie Lenoir’s bikini photo shoots but in real life you look like the love child of Young Thug and Gollum.


But who am I to judge though? My twitter persona isn’t the real me either. After all, if we can’t be whoever we want to be online, why even be online.


*just scribbling my thoughts*


2 comments on “Twitter versus Real life

  1. LeratoMolele says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Allow them!! Kwaaaahahahahahaha!


  2. But nhai Tawanda why are you like this?? Gollum and Young Thug here guys??? Im dead 😂😂😂


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