If I was Oscar Pistorius…here’s how I’d have done it…




It’s been a month since the trial of Oscar Pistorius started and boy has it been dramatic…okay, maybe dramatic is a bit of an overstatement…engaging maybe? Yes, it’s been engaging. But it got me thinking as the case trudged along, could Oscar have given his attorney, Barry Roux, a little more to work with? Allow me to explain…


So, Oscar’s story (and he’s sticking to it) is he mistook his girlfriend Reeva for a burglar and so shot her…four times…through a toilet door…on Valentine’s Day. Now, maybe it’s just the skeptic in me, but soon as I heard that story on that morning, I immediately thought “this some bullsh*t”. There was just something fishy about his story from the word go. And it’s evident from the way his attorney is sometimes clutching at straws that Oscar’s given him a bit of a tough one.


Here’s how I would have given my version of events…


So, I’m Oscar Pistorius, it’s Valentine’s morning and I’ve shot my girlfriend…for whatever reason…maybe she made a joke about me not being able to “foot” a restaurant bill, maybe she mentioned an ex who had great legs…whatever it was, it drove me insane, I shot her…what now?


Well firstly, I’d have called the police. Everyone knows you’ve got to call the police first so you can have that recorded dramatic 911 (10111 in South Africa) call. That “Please please come quick. There’s blood everywhere. Oh my God, what have I done? Please save her” call.


Then I’d have sounded the alarm systems at the complex, called complex security, the whole shebang.


Whilst they were on their way, I’d have put my legs on (always sounds weird saying that), gone downstairs, opened the door, left it open, and wiped the prints off the door…we’ve all watched enough cop shows to know to wipe the prints off everything right?


Then I’d have gone back upstairs, tried to kick the bathroom door open, then used my cricket bat to bang it open, pick up my girl’s body, take her downstairs, and perform CPR till the cops got to the scene…oh wait, this part he did. Okay, so he and I would have handled this part the same.


Then comes the critical part…when the cops ask me, “What happened?”


“Well officer, (I’m obviously still in tears at this point…probably vomiting like Oscar seems to do so well) I heard noises downstairs. So I grabbed my gun and told my Mrs I was going to investigate. As I was coming to the stairs, these guys jumped me. I didn’t have my legs on. I fell to the ground screaming. My girlfriend ran to the toilet. One of the guys grabbed my gun and ran after her. I heard him screaming and banging the door. Then bang, bang, bang, bang. He fired. He came back screaming something to the other guy, then they threw my gun down and ran. I got up and went straight to the bathroom shouting out my girl’s name, she wasn’t answering. I put my legs on and tried to kick the door down. I couldn’t. I grabbed my cricket bat and banged it open. Then I saw her lying there, blood everywhere. I tried to revive her. Then I grabbed my phone and called 911…I mean 10111…”


Now comes an even more critical part. The officer asks: “Can you describe the assailants?”


Here’s where Oscar had the chance to have the whole of the world ‘relating’ to him….”I couldn’t see their faces officer, they were wearing masks…but they were black.”


Now, let’s imagine hearing this story on that Valentine’s morning instead of Oscar’s version. Imagine headlines around the world…

“Oscar Pistorius’s girlfriend murdered by burglars”…

“South Africa’s crime scourge rocks Blade Runner”…

“Pistorious’s princess slain on Valentines Day”…

Do you think he would be in court right now?


*just scribbling my alibi thoughts*


Ps: I know it seems like I’ve already judged Oscar even whilst his trial is far from over. It’s because I have…I did the moment I heard his spurious story.


2 comments on “If I was Oscar Pistorius…here’s how I’d have done it…

  1. Karabo says:

    “My girlfriend ran to the toilet. One of the guys grabbed my gun and ran after her. I heard him screaming and banging the door.” – This is where you got it All Wrong!!! – After you Fire a GUN!! They is DSG left on your Clothes and Hands, And Oscar had alot after firing 4 Bullets. | & the Black Guy Story, Would never work, police Only found two types of foot prints in that house THAT day. – OtherWise you were onPoint.


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