Time to get the Arsen(e) out of Arsenal

Arsene

There’s no denying that having an Arsenal manager named Arsene is somewhat poetic…but it’s safe to say it’s gone from being poetic to just plain emetic. Those of you who know me personally know I’m somewhat obsessed with football…and more so with Arsenal. So I figured I’d share my 2 cents on this Arsene Wenger debate.

Firstly, I absolutely appreciate what Monsieur Wenger has done for Arsenal in the last 17 years that have seen him become the club’s longest-serving manager. I appreciate the 11 trophies he’s delivered in that time. And who could forget “The Invincibles” of the 03/04 season. But, to put it plainly, it’s time to get the Arsene out of Arsenal. Here’s why:

1. Arsene Wenger’s actual playing position in his “hey days” remains a bit of a mystery. Some say he was as an attacking midfielder (who barely scored goals), some say he was a central defender (a pretty bad one judging from Arsenal’s current defensive set up). What’s apparent is he barely played at the highest level. Who wants a swimming coach who can’t swim?

2. Eight years without winning a trophy. Yes, EIGHT YEARS. And the way things are going, Jesus’ second coming is looking more likely than any Arsenal silverware.

3. Speaking of silverware, every player who leaves Arsenal goes on to immediately win a league title elsewhere. From Robin Van Persie, to Cesc Fabregas, to Emmanuel Eboué. Yes, even Eboué. *Shake my gooner head*

4. He has a coat that looks like a duvet. I’m sorry but that coat is ridiculous. It’s a sackable faux pas on its own. I’m sure there’s some sort of correlation between that gigantic coat and the club’s poor performances.

5. He’s too intelligent. I mean, the guy has a Masters in Economics and (some say) an engineering degree also. Shouldn’t he be out screwing up the economy somewhere on Wall Street?

6. He is tight with money – Seriously, this guy is tighter than two coats of paint. Maybe his economics degree has him imposing austerity measures on the club. I don’t know. But you gotta spend money to make money Arsene. Economics 101.

7. This season (and the two before that), Arsene Wenger has deployed one formation. He’s clearly run out of ideas. Arsenal are as predictable as the last 1,000 episodes of WWE Raw.

8. An Arsenal season ticket costs £2,000…that’s a lot to pay for the masochistic heartache of the last 8 years.

9. There’s no better time to change managers in the English Premier League than NOW. Manchester’s United and City, Chelsea, and Everton will all have new managers next season. They’ll probably be a few other changes in the off-season. Might as well join the change party.

10. My brother is an avid Manchester United fan who rubs Arsenal’s trophy drought in my face ALL THE DAMN TIME! Arsene’s gotta go!

*just scribbling my trophy-less thoughts*

Arsene out

3 comments on “Time to get the Arsen(e) out of Arsenal

  1. Finally! An Arsenal supporter who will admit that Arsene Wenger has got too go. I enjoyed this piece, it made me chuckle.

    P.S. Your brother sounds super wise and awesome.

    Like

  2. Great thoughts! #4 cracked me up😀

    Like

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