So it appears in the last few weeks I have experienced an exodus of Twelebs on my timeline. For those of you who don’t know what a Tweleb is, it’s basically a Twitter celebrity. So rather than, say, LeBron James who is a celebrity that takes to Twitter and has loads of followers, Twelebs are “normal people” who happen to have become popular on Twitter. So whilst LeBron spends most of his time playing basketball…and getting paid a fortune to do so, Twelebs spend most of their time tweeting…and usually don’t get paid for it.
So to save you all from being twictims of such a mass departure of Twelebs from your Timelines, I’ve put together a list of “Tweleb rules and regulations”.
So without further ado, here’s how to keep your Twelebs happy:
1) Don’t argue with them: Put simply, Twelebs are better than you. They tweet more hence know more than you do. Some of them practically live on Google, so how could you possibly be on an intellectual par with them? Shut up and follow!
2) Retweet them: Yes, their tweets are gold. In fact, you don’t need 140 characters on twitter. All you need is a Retweet button because that’s your sole purpose on twitter…to retweet your Tweleb.
3) Defend them: I cannot over emphasise the importance of this point. If anyone so much as questions your Tweleb, you must defend them with your life. Those useless Tweeps who have opinions that differ from your twelebs’ are just losers. It’s your job to let them know they are LOSERS!
4) Ignore their spelling mistakes: When a Tweleb makes a spelling error, it’s not really an error. It’s more a remix than anything else. They are just bored of spelling it like us mere mortals do.
5) Don’t laugh at them: If anyone levels a joke at your Tweleb, you do not laugh, no matter what. Besides, anyone who makes fun of a Tweleb is no different from Judas Iscariot himself. It’s pure unadulterated betrayal!
6) Keep your opinions to yourself: There are basically two types of people who are allowed opinions on twitter. The first is a Tweleb…the second is not you. So shut up!
7) Spread the word: Follow Friday was invented to give you a platform to spread the good word about your Twelebs. #FF is to your Tweleb what Sunday is to Jesus…a chance for you to spread the good word.
8) LOL: If your Tweleb cracks a joke, you better be LOLing on twitter AND in real life. Twelebs are funny dammit!
9) Don’t #PFB: PFB stands for Please Follow Back. Who are you to ask for a Follow from a Tweleb? You’re not worthy. In fact, you should consider yourself blessed to be following them. Peasant!
10) Strip!: Apparently “OOMFing” a Tweleb is a good way to keep them happy. Hey, they might even follow you back after coitus. 🙂
Don’t worry folks, in the words of Aubrey “Drake” Graham, you can thank me later!
*just scribbling my thoughts*