I would start this post with some Unemployment jokes…but they need some work 🙂
Like any other government in the world, the South African government has, at the top of its to-do list, a kick ass Christmas Party (some call it Mangaung). But a close 2nd on the list is the creation of jobs. Yep, with an unemployment rate of over 25%, job creation is definitely one of the government’s New Year’s resolutions.
To help with this, the good folks in said government last year created The Jobs Fund; a superfund with R9 billion (just over US$1bn) set aside for the fund which awards once-off grants to partner organisations through a supposedly competitive project application process…basically help create jobs.
So is it working? Well apparently, the Jobs Fund has so far spent R3 billion since its launch last year and has created 745 jobs…that’s like R4 million a job. That’s it? R4 million to create a single job? That sounds kind of steep. I mean, here are some things that you can do with R4 million:
- Buy quite a bit of land in Lenasia (please check demolition policies)
- Purchase a single RDP house sold by Roux Shabangu (may be slightly cheaper if you’re not paying inflated government prices)
- Buy Khulubuse Zuma some lunch
- Buy Top TV…probably the whole company, its employees, and all 23 subscribers
Basically, R4 million is no small change. So to spend it on creating one job? C’mon! But then again, creating jobs isn’t easy. Or is it? I thought I’d give it a go. So here are some suggestions for government. They’ll cost significantly less than R3 billion.
1) Rhino Anti-Poaching Technician
Requirements: Must be able to ride a rhino bare back all day and possess extensive experience using a catapult i.e. isilingi. Poacher bullets may be an occupational hazard
2) Electric Fence Tester
Requirements: Must be able to withstand significant voltage. Watt with the current situation (puns totally intended)
3) Black Child Huggers
Requirements: To fill in for black parents, hug and tell their kids they are loved. Those NOT on sex offenders register will be preferred.
4) Phone-use busters
Requirements: Must be able to drive whilst simultaneously taking photographic evidence of people who drive whilst using their phones. Those who don’t understand irony will be preferred
5) Kickback accountant
Requirements: Must be able to maintain ledger of “transactions” between Metro Cops and motorists at roadblock. Must have obtained at most 17% in Matric Maths
Ball’s in your court Mr President