How to create jobs


I would start this post with some Unemployment jokes…but they need some work 🙂


Like any other government in the world, the South African government has, at the top of its to-do list, a kick ass Christmas Party (some call it Mangaung). But a close 2nd on the list is the creation of jobs. Yep, with an unemployment rate of over 25%, job creation is definitely one of the government’s New Year’s resolutions.


To help with this, the good folks in said government last year created The Jobs Fund; a superfund with R9 billion (just over US$1bn) set aside for the fund which awards once-off grants to partner organisations through a supposedly competitive project application process…basically help create jobs.


So is it working? Well apparently, the Jobs Fund has so far spent R3 billion since its launch last year and has created 745 jobs…that’s like R4 million a job. That’s it? R4 million to create a single job? That sounds kind of steep. I mean, here are some things that you can do with R4 million:


  • Buy quite a bit of land in Lenasia (please check demolition policies)


  • Purchase a single RDP house sold by Roux Shabangu (may be slightly cheaper if you’re not paying inflated government prices)


  • Buy Khulubuse Zuma some lunch


  • Buy Top TV…probably the whole company, its employees, and all 23 subscribers


Basically, R4 million is no small change. So to spend it on creating one job? C’mon!  But then again, creating jobs isn’t easy. Or is it? I thought I’d give it a go. So here are some suggestions for government. They’ll cost significantly less than R3 billion.


1)    Rhino Anti-Poaching Technician


Requirements: Must be able to ride a rhino bare back all day and possess extensive experience using a catapult i.e. isilingi. Poacher bullets may be an occupational hazard


2)    Electric Fence Tester


Requirements: Must be able to withstand significant voltage. Watt with the current situation (puns totally intended)


3)    Black Child Huggers


Requirements: To fill in for black parents, hug and tell their kids they are loved. Those NOT on sex offenders register will be preferred.


4)    Phone-use busters


Requirements: Must be able to drive whilst simultaneously taking photographic evidence of people who drive whilst using their phones. Those who don’t understand irony will be preferred


5)    Kickback accountant


Requirements: Must be able to maintain ledger of “transactions” between Metro Cops and motorists at roadblock. Must have obtained at most 17% in Matric Maths



Ball’s in your court Mr President


6 comments on “How to create jobs

  1. Maczwel says:

    Shiiiii R9billion! I better get my business plan application approved. I could spread that R4m into 6 sustainable jobs affording well and above minimum remuneration. But your suggestions, could help out this not so creative ANC administration. I’m sorry for name calling, but I need to give credit where credit is due! By the way, Good literature right here, most definitely I’m giving credit to the sense of humour.

    Never hesitate to check my page (forgive the free advertising tendency, I’m a victim of these circumstances 🙂


    • ImTawanda says:

      Lol! Jokes aside, the government needs its citizens to take up arms against unemployment. They can’t (and shouldn’t) do it alone. If you have ideas, get working. Government will gladly assist you financial.

      Ps: I do have share icons. You can’t see them from your end?


  2. Nandi says:

    San n Hilarious!


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