Rebecca Kadaga, Uganda’s speaker of parliament, gave Ugandans a sneak preview of their Christmas present the other day. She said Uganda will pass a new law against homosexuality by the end of 2012 as a “Christmas gift” to its people. What?! Really?! No sweater or socks or schools maybe? Another anti-gay law? Yay, just what I wanted!
Homosexuality is already outlawed in Uganda but the parliament has before it a bill that proposes even tougher sentences for people convicted of being gay. This new and improved super law – crafted by what I presume are the country’s finest minds – prohibits the promotion of gay rights, and increases punitive measures against anyone who funds, sponsors, or abets homosexuality…that’s of course on top of the standard crime of “being gay”.
You see, in Africa gays are a big problem. The way they just happily get on with their lives not giving anyone a problem, contributing to the economy like every other citizen, exercising their right and freedom to love whoever they please, basically being themselves and peacefully co-existing with their neighbours; it’s a big problem. And we don’t take too kindly to it. That’s why homosexuality is banned in pretty much every country on the continent. In fact, it’s easier for me to tell you the countries where it is legal or decriminalised. It’s safe to assume everywhere else, we’re taking care of the problem good and proper.
Burundi, Cape Verde, Central African Republic, Cote d’Ivoire, Congo, Equatorial Guinea, Gabon, Madagascar, Mali, Rwanda, South Africa.
These are the countries whose laws are harbouring the gays. Now, I know what you’re thinking; that these are also the countries doing relatively well on the continent with minimal comparative corruption, high on happiness indices, building bridges between their citizens, etc….that’s all just coincidental I’m sure. Besides, even in these countries, homosexuality is still frowned upon. Like I said, gays are a problem. We’re not too sure how exactly they are a problem but they are. We’re also not sure how the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) community affects our lives in any negative way. We’re sort of working on that at the moment.
What we do know is gay people are “unnatural”. Surely you know “unnatural” things are bad right? I mean when white people came to Africa, they immediately spotted that big black muscular beings were “unnatural” so they took care of that problem by enslaving them. Likewise, Hitler saw that Jews were “unnatural” to his Nazi Aryan doctrine so he took care of that problem by gassing them. Women equal to men? Don’t make me laugh; that’s clearly “unnatural”…enter domestic abuse and a glass ceiling to fix that problem.
Sure if we Africans focused on education, economic growth, and egalitarian principles as much as we do on eradicating homosexuality, we’d change this continent for the better over night. But who wants an economically and socially prosperous united continent when you have gays living peacefully among you? *just scribbling my thoughts*
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